If Only
by idratherbesailing
Summary: He thought he had his whole life to live. If only he know that he was a mistake. [ roxas ] [ three year anniversary fic dedicated to princess kairi and everybody thats stuck with me ]


10.1.06

Luckily, my muses have been very generous and they've helped me oh so very much with story ideas. :

Ever since the twentieth (yes, I realize I'm late) I've been a member of for three years.

So this is for the readers and reviewers that have made me feel so accomplished over the past three years. Especially Princess Kairi for reading and reviewing just about every story, even the ones that have just plain sucked. So thanks you guys for reviewing. As my friend says, "i feel so speshal!" So yeah, once again thanks guys! Enjoy the story!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I owned Kingdom Hearts, haha, I would be one of the voice actors. Psshhh I wish.

Dedicated to-- everybody && special dedication to Princess Kairi.

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Why tell me when **you** know _I _can't handle the truth?

It was like any other day. Hayner was bickering, and Olette and Pence just sat on the sidelines watching the blonde pace back and forth. I remember, although I don't know how, that he had a sudden urge to go to the mansion. God damn him and his sudden urges. Of course, we all agreed since we reminded ourselves what would happen if we didn't. Why didn't I stand up and say something? At this point, I realize how much of an idiot I am. I'm an idiot to think I could live a normal life.

"Come on, Roxas," Olette shouted. I picked myself up and followed the trio. We trudged our way to the mansion while having a random conversation. I silently trudged behind them all.

Pence cocked his head to the side, "Are you okay, Roxas? You're really quiet today."

I picked my head up and answered, "Um, yeah. I just have a weird feeling about the mansion."

Hayner sighed, "A weird feeling? You're ridiculous, Roxas. There's nothing wrong with the mansion except for the fact that it's been deserted for, well, awhile." raised an eyebrow. "Roxas, stop being such a baby! If anything happens, we'll save you." My eyebrow stayed raised.

"Hayner, Roxas is going to need any saving because nothing will happen!" Olette exclaimed.

Continuing our conversation, we soon reached our destination. We gazed up behind the gate at the large mansion. Hayner tried to push open the gate but it wouldn't budge.

"Here, I got it," Hayner jumped on the gate and climbed over it.

"Hayner, you don't really expect us to climb over this gate, do you?" Pence questioned. Hayner looked around and saw a latch. He then opened it and the gates made a shrill, shrieking noise, and slowly opened. We rushed in to meet up with Hayner who was already at the doors.

Olette asked, "Is it locked?" Hayner yanked on the door handles. He was able to open them a bit, but with the help of everybody else, we opened them all the way.

The room was dark and empty, save for a few fallen pieces of the ceiling that had fallen to the ground. A glass covering something that I couldn't make out stood on a table in the middle of the room. Two huge windows in the back of the room let some light in the dark room. There were two doors to the side, both which were inaccessible. On each side of the room was a stair case. Gazing at everything surrounding me, I climbed up the staircase to the left.

"Roxas, where are you going?" Pence asked me.

I didn't turn to him, "I want to see what's upstairs. Come on, guys." I ran up the stairs and reached the hallway of the second floor. I had two options: Turn to the right or turn to the left. I was first going to wait for my friends, but someone's voice caught my attention.

"Roxas, come over here." I looked to the left and cautiously walked over to the door. I opened slowly, but when I noticed that nothing popped out at me, I slipped through. The door behind me shut.

Although I was a bit scared that the door behind me had shut even though I didn't touch it, I glanced around the room I was in. The entire room was white. So white that it almost blinded me. A table, which of course was also white, as well as some chairs was placed in the middle of the room. Pictures were hung around the room. They seemed to be drawings of various scenes. Those various scenes seemed very familiar to me. I took a closer look at them, and my head started to pound.

"Roxas!" I looked up. A blonde girl wearing a white dress was seated at the table.

She wasn't here when I first walked in. I was confused, "What are you- How did you-" The blonde shook her head as a way to silence me.

"Roxas, do you remember me?" The blonde questioned me. How could I remember her? I just met her.

Before I could answer, she silently muttered, "You probably don't, but I have a feeling that he does."

"Who?" I asked. All of the sudden, a name popped into my head. "Naminé? Are you Naminé?" She nodded.

"I'm surprised you know my name, Roxas." She couldn't have been as surprised as I was. Then she asked a random question. "Do you know your name?"

I chuckled, "Of course I do. It's Roxas." Naminé sighed.

"That is the name you know of, but it's not your true name." Naming asked again." Do you know your true name?" My true name? Shouldn't it be Roxas? That is my name the last time I checked.

But then again,

I'm only a half of somebody. I'm their nobody.

"My true name," All of a sudden, I remembered a part of one my dreams, "is Sora?" I had said this more like a question than an answer. She nodded in response.

"Wait, why is my true name Sora?" Naminé let out yet another sigh.

"Roxas," She paused, "you were never meant to exist."

My eyes widened, "What?" Soon everything was explained to me.

"We're nobodies, Roxas. We were never meant to exist. We're literally accidents."

I shook my head, "No. I have a life to fulfill. I have plans for my life."

"Roxas, he needs you. Without you, he can't go on."

Never in my life had I cried before. But here, knowing that I was an accident and I had to lose everything to be a part of someone else made me tear.

"What about my friends? And Twilight Town?" I inquired.

Naminé answered me, "You won't be a part of their life anymore, and they'll forget you. And as for Twilight Town, nobody there will remember you."

"Naminé," The blonde looked up at me with sad blue eyes as I choked on my words, "why did this have to happen? Why?"

She too had no idea, "I, I don't know, Roxas,"

"What's going to happen now?"

At least Naminé had an answer for this question, "Well, you need to go back to Sora." I nodded my head slowly. She transported the two of us to another white room that had a pod in the middle of the large room.

"There he is," Naminé pointed to the pod. I took some steps to reach the pod.

"Hi, Sora. I hope your life is interesting. If you ever meet Hayner, Pence, or Olette, tell them I miss them and they were the best friends anyone could ever have." Of course I realized that I was talking to a sleeping teenager, but in some ways, I felt like he was listening to me. He was my other half.

"Are you ready, Roxas?" I nodded. And that was the end of my life, and the beginning of someone else's.

If only she hadn't told me the truth. If only he didn't have an urge to visit the mansion. If only, if only, if only. Life is full of if only's, especially mine. If only I wasn't the nobody, and he was. If only I could have one more try, one more chance to try again and live a normal life.

* * *

Once again guys, thanks so much for being there for the past three years!

Love you all,

Sam


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